Dare to Lead by Brené Brown:
“Over the past several years, my team and I have learned something about clarity and the importance of hard conversations that has changed everything from the way we talk to each other to the way we negotiate with external partners. It’s simple but transformative: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
” I saw the data about how most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair.
Feeding people half-truths to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind.
Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind.
Talking about people rather than to them is unkind. Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind”
I stumbled upon this piece of writing and it stopped me in my tracks. I wonder how many of us in the spirit of kindness and empathy – hold back from speaking truths to people, because of hurting their feelings or causing the waves to rise temporarily.
In addition – having tough conversations/setting boundaries – putting yourself first – takes planning as well as seeking good advice from sensible people before speaking up.
In Proverbs, it says: always seek wise counsel before going to war – in essence having a tough conversation – doing anything difficult requires preparation.
So, what is one thing you will do this week to be kinder to someone in clarity without being mean?
- Sometimes – it’s not about making a big announcement, but setting a healthy boundary immediately and conveying the boundary to the person at the right time, if needed.
One life – live it kinder